Where Do We Go From Here?

     Have you ever been at the end of a place in your life, when a turning point is on the horizon, and asking yourself, "where do I go from here"? Lately, I've been at that place in my life. I know that God has something in store for me, but I'm just not sure which way to turn. Saying goodbye to the old ways of life, can almost be like the death of a loved one. You find yourself feeling at a loss, not knowing which way to turn.

     How do we know which direction God is taking us? If anything, I've come to realize, that to wait on God is our only option. He will make it clear which direction we need to head in. Most times God's timing does not coincide with my timing. I do know, though, that His timing is always the perfect timing. My timing always bodes for trouble. Not waiting for God, is almost like being in a really important race, that you've spent months training for, and as you're waiting for the starter's pistol to announce the start of the race, you find you are so keyed up that you take off running before the gun goes off. You have now "jumped the gun" and all those months of training mean nothing, because you have been disqualified from the race. Its the same for those who jump the gun on God, it doesn't matter how much knowledge or training you've had, it all means nothing without God's blessing.

     I've been at this place in my life over the past several months, where I really want to be doing something great.  I'm tired of living a mediocre life. What, that great thing is, I have no clue. I do know, that whatever that great thing is, I want it to be blessed by God. I want the next steps in my life to glorify Him. I want the rest of the steps in my life to glorify Him. To be able to share His love and show it at the same time. I want people to be able to see Him in my eyes and my life.

     For so many years I have been quick with everything. Quick to start, quick to quit, quick tempered, quick to give up, quick to volunteer, and quick to make decisions.  I want to spend time finding out what He wants from me. Seeking only Him in my quest to do something great. I also have to realize that my idea of "great" and His idea of "great" are probably two totally different ideas. Knowing what you're suppose to be doing in life and actually doing it can often times lead to humbling experiences. But, that's okay, that's how we learn to lean on Him and let Him do the leading.

     Change is in the air, and I can almost taste it. I'm looking forward to starting the rest of my life and following His plan. Life will be so much more rewarding doing it God's way instead of mine.

 

The Joy of Life

     I'm sitting here today, looking out the window at the cloudy sky (which is a norm for Oregon), wondering what makes one person find joy in their surroundings and another find desolation. I've found that no matter where I go, I can find joy in my surroundings. I'm so thankful to be able to do that, although, I have to give full credit to God for that.
     When I look outside and see storm clouds, I feel a sense of comfort. The kind you feel when you are curled up next to a fire with a nice hot mug of coffee, tea or hot chocolate (extra marshmallows, of course). And, when I look outside and see the sun shining in the big blue sky, I feel a sense of excitement, as if I'm about to embark on an adventure.
     So, my question is, why do some people become depressed with their surroundings and yearn for change? How does a person drag themselves out of the depths of depression caused by their surroundings? Is there anything I, as a friend, spouse or colleague can do to alleviate that feeling?

     I'm no stranger to depression. I've been there several times, as a matter of fact. I truly believe it is a sickness, brought on by a chemical imbalance, in many cases. I find myself falling into a depression when there is a significant life change, such as a move, or a new relationship that doesn't quite click with the lifestyle that I'm accustomed to. Or, when I have too much on my plate and I feel that I'm letting the people that I care about most, down.
     It's easy enough for others to say, when you're a believer, that all you need to do is focus more on God and turn it all over to Him. That is totally true, but the fact of the matter is, when I've been depressed, all I do is focus on God, read the Bible and pray. But I also know, that when I'm in a full fledged depression, I've never felt so separated from God, even though I'm in constant prayer and meditation on Him. The feeling is, almost like, an out of body experience. You know what you need to do to change things, but you have the inability to do it. The temporary solution is always to run away from whatever is causing this depression or curl up in a ball and do nothing about it. But, all running away ever does, is prolong the inevitable. You may feel good for a little, but in the end, the depression, or the miserableness creeps back in. Running away never truly deals with the problem. I know this, because I am an expert in this field with firsthand experience. I would rather not acknowledge that there is a problem and hope that it disappears, than to tackle it head on and take the chance of making myself more miserable and alienating those closest to me. Unfortunately, when the root of the problem is not dealt with, it festers and becomes infected. Sometimes, the solution to the problem is not going to make everyone happy, but, then again, when a person is depressed, the people who are in closest proximity to that person, suffer as much, if not more, than the actual person. They have to walk on eggshells whenever they are around that person, which results in a feeling of helplessness that can sometimes manifest into angry outbursts. Depression doesn't just affect one person. It affects everybody that is in contact with that person.

     As a christian, who chooses to follow God, I find that when depression begins to settle in on me, as long as I do my best to search out God and His Wisdom, it will eventually be revealed to me which path I should take to rid myself of the burden. Sadness and depression should never dictate our lives! As a believer, this verse really struck a cord with me. I don't want to die with regrets!

2 Corinthians 10
10 Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.


     I'm not meaning to sound all doom and gloom, but I'm a Bible believer and that is where I draw my comfort from and my directions in life. It's my belief system.  A person suffering from depression needs to seek out what they are most passionate about and look for hope in those passions. I'm most passionate about God, so I take comfort in His Word.


Jeremiah 29:11
11 I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.


     This verse brings me comfort when I feel the world closing in on me, and that one more day seems too much to bear. It doesn't necessarily bring me out of my depression upon reading it, but it gives me hope, and hope is the beginning of overcoming depression. Focusing on your passions (healthy passions), is another step to overcoming depression.  Attaining your hopes and dreams doesn't come overnight. It takes time, but as long as you're headed in the direction of those dreams, you're doing something that takes your mind off of the unbearable. Baby steps are what is needed as a beginning in finding your way back from the edge of despair and desolation. Once you begin to take those steps, you will slowly, but surely, begin to feel a sense of freedom.

To Write Or Not To Write

     So, it seems that I've taken a break from writing. I have spent the past month trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, and I believe that I've come to the conclusion, that I want to write. I got a little self conscious about posting my blogs because I've heard people say, "people who blog are only trying to get attention", or something to the like of it. The fact of the matter is, anyone who knows the real me, knows that I hate attention! I would rather hide in the back of a crowd any day of the week, rather than be thrust to the front of it.
     Truth be told, there are only a few things that I am passionate about in my life, first being God, my family, my pets, and writing. I love to write! I'm not content with just writing in a journal. I've spent the last several years journaling, and I find that its not as stimulating as I want it to be. Does that make sense? I guess, one way of explaining it would be to liken it to someone who loves to sing. Most people who love to sing have to get it out one way or another. A person who truly loves to sing, is not content with just singing in their mind or all closed up in a room where they can't be heard. They want to sing out loud. They want to be heard, whether they're heard by them self or by somebody else.
     For the last several years I've just been trying so hard to keep up with my family and the hectic pace of life, that I forgot what my dreams were. There was a point in time when all I wanted to do was write. Somewhere along the way, I lost my creativity. I think it was probably after I struck off to live my life without a plan of how I was actually going to live it. I guess when you don't map things out, you tend to get lost. And lost I got! I've been on the roller coaster ride of life and am now just finally getting to the point where I don't want to zoom through life anymore. I want to take my time and appreciate what God has blessed me with. I've always pushed ahead just to be able to make it to the next step, never really paying attention to where that next step was actually taking me. There was never any time for reflection. After spending the last few months just trying to catch my breath, I realized that I want to reflect! I want to stop and listen to the birds in the trees, spend time just watching my kids experience life, feel the raindrops on my face and not panic about the mess its going to make of my hair. Okay, I guess I'd better be honest, I don't think I've ever panicked about the mess my hair was going to be in because of the rain, but it sounded good anyway.
     So starting today, I'm going to try this blogging thing again, just so that I can at least start feeling like I'm going some where with my writing. I want to start experiencing things, and share those experiences in my writings. Whether you choose to read or not read, is up to you. But, at least I know that I'm finally doing what I love to do!