Today's Teenagers

When I married my husband I was marrying into a very damaged family. I didn't really know how damaged, because in my past, I'd never really experienced the type of lifestyle that they'd come from. I guess, if I'd have known, I probably would have run for the hills. Hahaha, just kidding. To be be honest, I'm a fixer and a nurturer, so I probably would've still married him. For the past 13 years, I have been raising teenagers in every stage, and let me tell you; they are exhausting! Between the emotional outbursts, the defiant attitudes, and the "world revolves around me" mentalities, they can be quite challenging, to say the least. The good thing is, when I married my husband, all of his children readily accepted me. I guess they craved stability and nurturing, something most of them had not had, and I seemed to have that. You hear these horror stories of step-parents and step-children not getting along, but I was so blessed in that area, I got along with all of the children. Between the two of us, our children ranged from 2-15. The oldest being, Jessica at 15, Latosha age 14, Cherie age 11, Christian age 7, Justin (mine) age 6, and Alexia age 2. The 2 older children, Jessica and Tosh (Latosha), came from my husbands 1st marriage and in their mother's household there was extensive drug use. Christian and Cherie came from my husbands 2nd marriage, and in their mother's household there was a lot of instability. Justin was mine from a previous relationship where his father was not in his life at all. And, finally, there was Alexia, who was the princess of both households because she was the baby girl. With each child came a whole list, different from the others, of positive qualities and negative qualities, as is with all of humankind. The thing is, when a person has a child, they don't send you away from the hospital with a "How to Raise Your Child" manual. The literary market has an array of wonderful books out there on how to raise children, but the fact of the matter is, every child is different, so there's no way to pinpoint which direction or which book would be the best to follow when raising a child. I've found (but not until recently) that the good old fashioned "Bible" has everything you need to know about raising children and much, much more.
God blessed me with loving and God fearing parents. I, too, came from a broken home, and my mom and step-dad became christians about a year into their relationship. I was so blessed to have a step-dad who loved me as his own. It was because of him that I was able to go into my marriage loving all of these kids as my own. Nothing can prepare a person to enter a marriage with 5 extra children, but I had about as much, if not more, preparation then most people, because of my past. I have to say, if you ever expect a blended family/marriage to work, the only way you can go into it is if you are going to love those children as much as your own. Otherwise, you have no business marrying that person, because I guarantee that there are going to be many issues that arise that are going to require unconditional love that only a parent can give, and if you don't have that, your marriage will not work.
As I sit here right now, reflecting on the past and the future, my youngest son, Ben (7), and my 2 granddaughters, Athena (7) and Persephony (2), are out playing in the back patio with a hose. Their laughter is music to my ears and healing to my heart. So much has happened in the past 13 years that has brought us full circle. There is never a dull moment in my life, but I can live with that, if it means that the fullness in my heart will always be here.
Throughout the next several posts I will talking about my kids individually; lucky them. The fact is, we are all individuals who require individual love and direction. We have made countless mistakes that have really screwed our kids up, and it saddens me to say that, but it is through those mistakes that I was able to learn and try not to make the same mistakes. I'm now living my life with this motto, "I will take the leap of faith and peace; I will let go and let God." Dana Fonseca

Today Is A New Day

Today I decided that I will start my new life! I'm excited and I'm bringing my husband along for the fun of it. For, you see, I've spent the past 2 years dodging him and finding all the things that were wrong with him and our marriage. We have been married 12, almost 13, years and I have to say that it has been a roller coaster ride from the get go. We met met from a personal ad in the newspaper. My father was worried about me, because I was a single mother raising a six year old boy and a work-aholic on top of it. He told me that as a woman and a mother, I was not created to live a life alone and then suggested that I look at the personal ads in the newspaper. He even had a couple of ads circled for me of local christian men. I was humiliated, but the fact was, I was lonely. It took me another couple of months before I grabbed a paper and called on a couple of ads. And "voila"; I met my husband and his 5 children. The fact is, I fell in love with his children first, and then fell in love with him. We had a few things in common, such as the love of the outdoors and baseball. Most of all, we wanted God in our marriage. He had already been married 3 times and I had been married 2 times. We were tired of failed relationships and our hearts were set on not failing again. So after 2 months of talking on the phone and dating, we got married. Now, you might think that it was an awfully short courtship, and, in fact, you are right. But when you have 6 kids and full time jobs, it's hard to get any personal/dating time in. We were both exhausted from staying up all night talking on the phone and then going to work during the days. We didn't want to move in together because both of us had gone that route before and it didn't work for either of us. So, we decided that we wanted to do it God's way and stay pure until we were married. Ergo, the short courtship.

I'd like to say that we got married and lived happily ever after with our six children who grew up to become pastors or doctors or some other noteworthy professions, but the fact of the matter is, this was just the beginning to our up and down life. God has brought us full circle through heartache, happiness, loyalty, friendship, commitment and too many other things to list in this opening blog. I was told that my life and marriage has been so unique that it is worth writing about, so I decided to take people's advice and start a blog.

Now that I set the framework, I will end today's blog with something positive, because isn't that what we all want in the end? A positive ending.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27