Today's Teenagers

When I married my husband I was marrying into a very damaged family. I didn't really know how damaged, because in my past, I'd never really experienced the type of lifestyle that they'd come from. I guess, if I'd have known, I probably would have run for the hills. Hahaha, just kidding. To be be honest, I'm a fixer and a nurturer, so I probably would've still married him. For the past 13 years, I have been raising teenagers in every stage, and let me tell you; they are exhausting! Between the emotional outbursts, the defiant attitudes, and the "world revolves around me" mentalities, they can be quite challenging, to say the least. The good thing is, when I married my husband, all of his children readily accepted me. I guess they craved stability and nurturing, something most of them had not had, and I seemed to have that. You hear these horror stories of step-parents and step-children not getting along, but I was so blessed in that area, I got along with all of the children. Between the two of us, our children ranged from 2-15. The oldest being, Jessica at 15, Latosha age 14, Cherie age 11, Christian age 7, Justin (mine) age 6, and Alexia age 2. The 2 older children, Jessica and Tosh (Latosha), came from my husbands 1st marriage and in their mother's household there was extensive drug use. Christian and Cherie came from my husbands 2nd marriage, and in their mother's household there was a lot of instability. Justin was mine from a previous relationship where his father was not in his life at all. And, finally, there was Alexia, who was the princess of both households because she was the baby girl. With each child came a whole list, different from the others, of positive qualities and negative qualities, as is with all of humankind. The thing is, when a person has a child, they don't send you away from the hospital with a "How to Raise Your Child" manual. The literary market has an array of wonderful books out there on how to raise children, but the fact of the matter is, every child is different, so there's no way to pinpoint which direction or which book would be the best to follow when raising a child. I've found (but not until recently) that the good old fashioned "Bible" has everything you need to know about raising children and much, much more.
God blessed me with loving and God fearing parents. I, too, came from a broken home, and my mom and step-dad became christians about a year into their relationship. I was so blessed to have a step-dad who loved me as his own. It was because of him that I was able to go into my marriage loving all of these kids as my own. Nothing can prepare a person to enter a marriage with 5 extra children, but I had about as much, if not more, preparation then most people, because of my past. I have to say, if you ever expect a blended family/marriage to work, the only way you can go into it is if you are going to love those children as much as your own. Otherwise, you have no business marrying that person, because I guarantee that there are going to be many issues that arise that are going to require unconditional love that only a parent can give, and if you don't have that, your marriage will not work.
As I sit here right now, reflecting on the past and the future, my youngest son, Ben (7), and my 2 granddaughters, Athena (7) and Persephony (2), are out playing in the back patio with a hose. Their laughter is music to my ears and healing to my heart. So much has happened in the past 13 years that has brought us full circle. There is never a dull moment in my life, but I can live with that, if it means that the fullness in my heart will always be here.
Throughout the next several posts I will talking about my kids individually; lucky them. The fact is, we are all individuals who require individual love and direction. We have made countless mistakes that have really screwed our kids up, and it saddens me to say that, but it is through those mistakes that I was able to learn and try not to make the same mistakes. I'm now living my life with this motto, "I will take the leap of faith and peace; I will let go and let God." Dana Fonseca